8.31.2005

breakdown

i sat and watched you; trapped in your own reality, oblivious to the way things are. i tried and failed. to help you is impossible, we all tried and failure came in many shapes. you isolate yourself, not because you want to but because you know no other way. inside your mind is a world none have seen, you hide it, telling yourself no one would understand. inside your heart is emptiness, scarred by life and filled only by the constant flow of sorrow. behind your smile is nothing but fear, fear of love, fear of trust, fear of them. and they do it again, and again you bleed but again you tell me you are fine.

you cannot come out, you cannot find yourself, you can never know what you are looking for. you are blind to their blows, numb to the pain, tired of fighting what to you are shadows. and so you quit. there was no beginning and so there can be no end. you once loved with the softest, innocent trust but you would never know that, you cannot know that. gone are the tears, instead sorrow and pain bring overwhelming doubt and silent vows of vengeance. they did this to you, but to admit that would only give them the power you swore was never theirs. and again you fall; enduring defeat after defeat.

love will find you and love will leave you. you will watch it come over you and fail to recognize what wraps its arms around you. oh that you could see beyond yourself. oh that you could name your pain and leave it behind. but you won't, you will never give them power. you will stay inside yourself, trying to hide what we all see. you will bleed, smiling all the while. never can they know they have gotten to you. their power is your failure.

it was them, not you! to deny this has been your ruin and to admit this will bring ruin. a ruin to the darkness you created, a ruin to this perception that is now your reality. find your tears, feel your pain and let this place fall all around you. you have held this together long enough. let go.

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