5.28.2005

saturday

i have turned into the blogger i hate. a good two weeks and no post. not that i have had nothing to say, it was the time to say it that interfered with publicizing my thoughts. and now, time is on my side but creativity is not. what a bitch. perhaps, the sun and its unwelcome heat has dried up my puny imagination.

it is weird being away from this little pseudo-world. intelligence, wit, charm, and entertainment lie within its bounds. and beyond this imaginary place, i find these things much more sporadic, like the now random intervals between my posts. and so today i returned to a place i love, a place that only exists electronically and yet a place that seems more real than the trivial exchanges of last nite.

oh, friday nite...the alcohol, the music, the lies, the empty quests of a thousand men. drunk and lonely, frustrated by the rebuttals of the fairer sex, they pour out into the embrace of darkness. to their homes they return only to find a nagging emptiness. a cold bed is all that awaits; it serves only as a reminder of their failed charm. but saturday is just around the corner.

she sits alone nursing her wine and he, equally lonely, offers to join her. they talk, he lies, she laughs, he smiles. the drinks go by and the conversation continues. feelings built on deception start to strengthen their grip on her inner isolation. she has vowed to never let her guard down again but vows are just that. nothing more than empty promises made to oneself in their darkest hour to somehow numb the pain with false resolution. in this moment their is no guard, no recollection of any vow, only a longing and a perceived answer. she is overcome with acceptance. together they leave; alone she awakes. and in her sobriety she makes a vow.

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