4.28.2005

yeah

so i guess i must be doing something right here in idiotville. they gave me my own office today which makes me very happy. but my smile comes not from the reasons you may expect. i don't care about the privacy, it does not stroke my ego, and i don't feel as though i have made it. my pleasure comes from the fact that i am now my own d.j.

from time to time on this here forum, i have complained about the music at work. now those complaints will be no more. clients will come in and wonder where my euphoric smile is coming from, my production will double, and mondays will even be decent. i now have control over my mood. this may make no sense to some, but to me, music is a part of me. my feelings rise and fall with the intensity. my body feels the rhythm from head to toe, brilliant lyrics fascinate me, and the artistry is mysterious.

my involuntary smirk is brought to you today courtesy of rilo kiley.

happy thursday everyone!!!!

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4.27.2005

something

its humpday and i have yet to post this week. sorry for my recent absence; it is a combination of being sick and too busy for my own good. maybe my recent sickness has made me more pensive as i feel i have nothing humorous to write about. but since i owe you a post, here ya go.

it was always your intention. but it seems with you, intentions are just that. they are grand ideas in your head. they are dreams, goals and desires. nothing more; never action just concepts. i wanted to believe otherwise but you make it so damn hard. you and your lucid empty promises. why the emptiness? where is the breakdown? that in your mind will never be, you won't allow it.

dammit! that is all the antihistamines allow me. no more to that thought, it was fleeting. just had to throw in some randomness between these paragraphs. i hate smooth jazz, it is killing me. back to idiotville.

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4.23.2005

now

i looked at you today and i felt as if i did not know you. you made me laugh, but your jests always stung. what happened? did someone else get the best of you? did they drink in your beauty before life's inherent pains took their toll? did they laugh at your humor when it was only innocent or has cynicism always been your style? did someone love you when you loved unconditionally? did they enjoy your unwavering trust that is now just an afterthought? did they have you before you became your fragile self?

did they make you this way? did they destroy your trust and make you vow to never love again? did they inflict the pain that haunts your soul and steal the innocence that peers out from your hardened gaze? why have you let them make you this way? why give them the upper hand? they planned, they executed, they laughed, and you let them. you let them win. is this a shadow of your former self or is this you? what is you? have they stripped you away and left this hollow shell or is this what you were and will always be? was it them?

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skip

i figure if i write, something will come out. but my damn cold medicine is inducing extreme incoherence. so what! coherence is far too celebrated. we praise a well executed linear thought like it is something to be proud of. granted, a good thought for some is a major accomplishment. but prudent speaking or writing lacks spontaneity; it lacks the vigor and mystery of chaos. i like flowers and birds. spring in seattle is a blissful season. now, you would never know that if i took the time to edit myself into the coherence so many readers have been conditioned to expect. but knowing that is also pointless, b.f.d. you know it is a nice day. what now? i am about to publish my worst post ever. i feel like i just half-assed my homework assignment and now i am turning it in expecting an "f." but hey, at least i did it...sort of.

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4.19.2005

stupid

i feel like i owe you all a decent post. work seems to garner so much of my attention lately. thus, my at work posting has become mediocre at best. but hey, mediocracy isn't all that bad. at least it is easy for us lazy ones. and we all know that laziness pays off now. yet, i have an insatiable appetite for new content from all of you. and being the fair and benevolent fellow that i am, i must return the favor.

unfortunately, i really have nothing to say...my creative juices seem to have dried up. granted, there are countless idiocies around me; all of which could be documented to your delight. however, i am starting to think that the inherent stupidity of my atmosphere is hardly worth recording. i guess i feel that by not acknowledging it, i somehow disavow its existence. if i don't let you hear the falling tree in the proverbial forest, than no, it did not make a noise.

whatever...enough with the loftiness. the typing of this post was interrupted by, you guessed it, stupidness. and since folly makes for a better read than my delusional ideals i will oblige you. i just got out of a meeting with my boss. the sole purpose of this meeting was to discuss my dress shoes. the ones i wear whenever i wear black slacks. apparently, they are too casual. and now my shoes are offended. they keep bitching at me to nut up and tell my boss that he has no taste. i told them that my boss already knows how much they cost but they are still mad. they have vowed to trip me at every inopportune moment. "what does a louisiana boy know about italian leather," they demanded.

now to you this may seem trivial, that's because it is. but this trivial gripe has a point; my footwear selection will not paint a better face on his company. he can church it up all he wants, but a simple switch in the texture of the leather that adorns my feet will not distract our clients from the painfully obvious. leather does not mask, the fact that we are nothing more than glorified used car sales men. it will not compensate for his poor grammar and botched cliches. my shoes will not add the professionalism he seeks. only professionalism can do that. and here, professionalism is as real as the silence of a falling tree.

would stupidity by any other name be less stupid?

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4.18.2005

picture

so...for everyone who needs to see a picture of jake and i check this out. it is not exactly what you expect but it is us. we are in the top picture. jake is on the left and i am on the right. enjoy!!!!

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pullman

since blogland seems to be doing the meet and greet, i decided to do the same thing. i went to pullman this weekend and saw jake and kyle and pete among others. but all good things must come to an end, so here i am, back in seattle...and it is monday. more to come soon. sorry for another short post.

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4.15.2005

taxes

yuk!

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beer

yum...

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4.13.2005

repetition

little nuances about me seem to proliferate my every action. in analyzing my actions, i am becoming aware that i am slightly insane. to me the definition of insanity is this: trying the same thing the same way and expecting different results. and yet i do this constantly.

i go to the refrigerator to see if there is anything good to eat. nope! ten minutes later, i go check again. nope! five minutes go by; better have a look, maybe i missed something. nope! this continues for far too long. one more trip, mmm yogurt.

i am a west coast blogger and a majority of the blogs i read are written by people in earlier time zones. when i do the late nite blog-hop most of you writers are fast asleep. i finish my rounds and then, boredom. so i check you all again...nothing new, you are flirting with the sandman, and you like it. but the boredom remains and so another conditioned response. blog-hop! nada....blog-hop...damn you people wake up and entertain my insatiable appetite for your wit. blog-hop...nice johnny has a new post. i love you west coasters. blog-hop. dammit!!! your sleep is not as important as my intellectual stimulation.

the cycle continues. i come to work, no internet. dammit i am going to die. five minutes pass, double-click..nothing. two minutes, reboot, double-click. aaahhhh! four minutes, double-click, for the love of god!!!! two minutes, five minutes, three minutes. nope, zip, why, oh why? ten minutes...hello world.

so i am not insane. i do the same thing the same way and i almost always come up empty. but sometimes, if only once...gratification. thus the pointless cycle, sometimes there is a point.

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4.12.2005

um

i am so damn busy today...trying to blog between clients. what a bitch.

what is it about you that captures me, why do i keep coming back? you are sweet beyond words but your sweetness will be the death of me. i cannot escape you, i cannot love you. even though i hate you, i will always want you. love and hate seem polar opposites, but in you i find them both. when i am with you, you are all i need, away from you, you are all i want. but all i want is what i don't need. i know you are all wrong for me. you are my death, i run your consequences through my head and they would convince even a fool to walk away. but not me; here i am, coming back for more. i seek solace in your emptiness, pleasure in your poison, but your allure is intoxicating. what i know is not what i feel and what i feel controls me.

you blind me with your mystery, i will never understand you. yet i try and trying always brings failure. you make me feel so small, in you lie all my inadequacies. the smile you paint on my conflicted face is always hollow. your desolation can bring nothing but that....

just the start of a thought, that is probably all it will ever be.

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4.11.2005

pretense

sometimes when every song on the radio is lame and i am bored of all the other music in my car, i choose intelligence. i change the channel to the the very articulate npr. i think it makes me feel smart or something. so today while i was driving to work i decided it should be an npr day.

when my dial found the lofty station it was seeking, the news was just finishing. then came an interview on something very important...toilets. apparently in our state toilets are not allowed to use more than 1.5 gallons per flush. according to the interviewer, it is essential to find a toilet that does this well. a toilet that uses little water and gets the job done.

since finding an adequate flushing device is paramount, they were offering advice on which toilets to buy. now, i appreciate a vast vocabulary as much as the next guy; but we are talking about toilets here. "oh, this toilet is exquisite," said the educated voice on the radio.

"and this toilet offers one of the most impeccable flushes on the market."

what is with these poeple? how do they take themselves seriously? it is a shitter. save the the magniloquence for something that doesn't dispose of human excrement

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4.09.2005

tonite

wow! i am kinda tired, but somehow i found it necessary to post. i really have nothing to say; i just felt like typing. why do i always return to my invisible friends?

wheat thins are so good. but not as good as beer. beer is better than wheat thins and ritz crackers combined.

are joe and bran really gone?

i want a jumbo jack with cheese.

my jeans are cooler than yours. guaranteed!! challenge my confidence...i dare you.

i am going to do an m.s. walk on sunday. i think it is for a good cause but i really have no idea what the hell m.s. is. i am honestly walking to feel better about myself. i am going to walk to help something that i am oblivious to. i think a lot of people are doing the same thing.

yum...beer is so good.

so is sleep...but not yet.

i wish it was football season again.

the remote is probably as good of an invention as the television....the laptop is a better invention than the p.c.

beer is a better invention than pretty much anything.

i hate when people read my rambling and then think, "man, i feel sorry for him." well guess what; i feel sorry for you and your pitiful boring ass life. the only vindication you have in life is false. you think you are somehow better than people who love life more than you. go away loser reader, enjoy your empty quest to be above reproach you pretentious, elitist low-life.

sorry there is nothing to read here. maybe i will have something intelligent to say another day.

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4.08.2005

true

i like friday.

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4.06.2005

her

she was walking alone between the high-rises. the rain trickled down her face; there was no mistaking her. gone was the smile i had come to hate. it had since been replaced with a hardness that dared you to break through. it had been four years since we parted, she was only a foggy memory. she was vanishing. little reminders of her had long lost the atmosphere that once gave them context. yet this brief glimpse quickly filled in the details.

i once thought it was perfect, but then again that was once. not like once upon a time but once, only for a second. i stayed though; i stayed because it was comfortable, it was all i knew. even when i wanted to move on, movement was beyond me. i would plan it, but planning was useless. she was always the wiser, she knew my plans but she knew they were just that. yet one day those plans would become the elusive. they would be action.

the flashback was not as i had pictured. yes, her dejected face brought with it a flood of memories. yet the recollection was no longer laced with pain and anger. anger had given way to pity and the pain had almost become indifference. she was gone and seeing her only served to hasten her erasing.

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4.05.2005

fat

i had so many good things to say last nite but i drank too much and now i forgot. that sucks. i guess i could bitch about the music here today, it is easy listening...enough said.

i was watching the news last nite and they were doing a story on obesity. these stories are hard for me to watch because i am so damn fat. ha! (not really, i am trying to get fat but i am failing miserably. i think it would be cool to take up more space in the world. how awesome would it be if i took up twice as much room...this is my 300 pound area and you can't have it; so amazing) actually this did have a point. they kept on showing shots of huge asses and large stomachs. no faces, just fat mid sections. wouldn't that suck if you saw your own fat ass on the news? i wonder how many anonymous fatties know they are being used to scare us all out of our gluttonous lifestyles.

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4.04.2005

hey

i am here; haven't posted since thursday. i guess that is a long time in blogland. maybe i was depressed because i thought brandy got knocked up. dammit! i can't believe i took the bait.

in other news, i am tired. this daylight savings time thing sucks. i think i am going to move to arizona; i hear they don't observe it there. must be nice.

today i am completely uninspired.

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